Dare:
Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to me? Have I realized my need for God to change my heart and to give me the ability to love? Ask Him to show me where I stand with Him and ask for the strength and grace to settle my eternal destination.
Well, I know where I stand and my eternal destination, but I have been attempting this dare thing on my own. It's worked fairly well, but I don't know if I could keep it up. Would I throw it all by the wayside the minute David becomes grouchy? In my strenght I would so I need to let God show His love through me. I need to give up control, not an easy thing for me. At first glance I thought, oh today is easy, but now I'm thinking I really, really need to pray and pray hard.
Results:
Not really anything to report, cause this is a heart changing thing. That doesn't always happen immediately but might be gradual. It takes practice 'cause hearts tend to follow the brain, which doesn't want to go back to what was comfortable. I will continue to pray, because this isn't something I can do on my own.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Day 18 - Love Dare - Love seeks to understand
Dare:
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for David and me. The dinner can be as nice as I want. Focus this time on getting to know David better, perhaps in areas we've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for us.
This definitely has to be delayed because it's AWANA night. David will be busy all night. Also, this might have to be a night out because we don't live by ourselves. Hard to have a special dinner with two little ones and their parents here too - and not fair. So, we may have to do this tomorrow. I want to do this, and do it right, so can't be tonight.
Results:
As I stated earlier, this was not the night for this dare. David gets to church early, I think about 4, and I get there at 6:30 and we don't get home until 9. But, I did make him a sandwich - only after he asked - so doesn't count at all. You know, I think I will save this one for Saturday so I can do it right. I want to do this right, not just half-way. So I'll catch this one up.
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for David and me. The dinner can be as nice as I want. Focus this time on getting to know David better, perhaps in areas we've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for us.
This definitely has to be delayed because it's AWANA night. David will be busy all night. Also, this might have to be a night out because we don't live by ourselves. Hard to have a special dinner with two little ones and their parents here too - and not fair. So, we may have to do this tomorrow. I want to do this, and do it right, so can't be tonight.
Results:
As I stated earlier, this was not the night for this dare. David gets to church early, I think about 4, and I get there at 6:30 and we don't get home until 9. But, I did make him a sandwich - only after he asked - so doesn't count at all. You know, I think I will save this one for Saturday so I can do it right. I want to do this right, not just half-way. So I'll catch this one up.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Day 17 - Love Dare - Love Promotes Intimacy
Dare:
Determine to guard David's secrest and to pray for them. Talk with David, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen - make him feel safe.
Actually, this is the first one where I don't think this has been an issue. Guarding secrets - I don't talk about David's feelings or David's mistakes with anyone else. Those are intimate things between him and me. I've seen too many marriages where one of the spouses complains to someone else about their spouse and I determined I was never going to be like that. It does not good. I believe David feels safe because he does tell me how he feels about just about everything and he knows it won't go any farther. So, don't expect any big changes today.
Result:
As I thought, not a big change for me so I spent the day practicing some of the other things. When David said he needed to go to the store, did I want to go - I jumped up and put on my shoes. Not normal for me. We also stopped by Subway's for grinders and I did the ordering. It felt good to do this and didn't seem fake. I just need to keep practicing and it will become second nature.
Determine to guard David's secrest and to pray for them. Talk with David, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen - make him feel safe.
Actually, this is the first one where I don't think this has been an issue. Guarding secrets - I don't talk about David's feelings or David's mistakes with anyone else. Those are intimate things between him and me. I've seen too many marriages where one of the spouses complains to someone else about their spouse and I determined I was never going to be like that. It does not good. I believe David feels safe because he does tell me how he feels about just about everything and he knows it won't go any farther. So, don't expect any big changes today.
Result:
As I thought, not a big change for me so I spent the day practicing some of the other things. When David said he needed to go to the store, did I want to go - I jumped up and put on my shoes. Not normal for me. We also stopped by Subway's for grinders and I did the ordering. It felt good to do this and didn't seem fake. I just need to keep practicing and it will become second nature.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Day 16 - Love Dare - Love Intercedes
Dare:
Pray for David's heart. Pray for 3 specific areas where I desire for God to work in David's life and in our marriage.
Wow, today's devotion mirrored what I blogged yesterday. I can't change David, and it's not my job to. God let's me know David's heart and his faults so I can lift him up in prayer. Now I need to find three specific areas that God points out to me. I don't want to pray selfishly here - that David would go buy me flowers or something life that. I want to pray for things that will make David a stronger man of God.
First I want to pray for the negative spirit that sometimes overcomes David. WHen he gets negative, he gets judgemental and that is wrong. When he sees something wrong, he needs to ask God what part he needs to take in the issue. It may be nothing - God may already be working on it. It may be talking to someone or it may be stepping in to help.
Secondly, I pray for his anger. He can be very quick to anger (although he is quick to get over it). Frequently this anger is unjustified, just a spur of the moment reaction. I pray he would stop and think about what he is angry about and how he should react.
Third, I pray for his health. He is overweight, obese really. He needs to get back on a serious weight loss regimen for his health. Actually, so do I. I've mentioned it before. I think God is telling me I need to suggest David and I go on a weight loss/exercise regimen together.
Okay, there's three. And they are things that will make David happier, make him a stronger man of God, and improve our marriage. Okay, now I need to pray.
Results:
I like praying for David. I know God heard my heart. Now I need to take action on the third item of prayer and help David. As far as the anger, something happened which set off his anger - it's really frustration. Let me just say electric bill and you'll probably understand. I need to take this to the Lord.
Pray for David's heart. Pray for 3 specific areas where I desire for God to work in David's life and in our marriage.
Wow, today's devotion mirrored what I blogged yesterday. I can't change David, and it's not my job to. God let's me know David's heart and his faults so I can lift him up in prayer. Now I need to find three specific areas that God points out to me. I don't want to pray selfishly here - that David would go buy me flowers or something life that. I want to pray for things that will make David a stronger man of God.
First I want to pray for the negative spirit that sometimes overcomes David. WHen he gets negative, he gets judgemental and that is wrong. When he sees something wrong, he needs to ask God what part he needs to take in the issue. It may be nothing - God may already be working on it. It may be talking to someone or it may be stepping in to help.
Secondly, I pray for his anger. He can be very quick to anger (although he is quick to get over it). Frequently this anger is unjustified, just a spur of the moment reaction. I pray he would stop and think about what he is angry about and how he should react.
Third, I pray for his health. He is overweight, obese really. He needs to get back on a serious weight loss regimen for his health. Actually, so do I. I've mentioned it before. I think God is telling me I need to suggest David and I go on a weight loss/exercise regimen together.
Okay, there's three. And they are things that will make David happier, make him a stronger man of God, and improve our marriage. Okay, now I need to pray.
Results:
I like praying for David. I know God heard my heart. Now I need to take action on the third item of prayer and help David. As far as the anger, something happened which set off his anger - it's really frustration. Let me just say electric bill and you'll probably understand. I need to take this to the Lord.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Day 15 - Love Dare - Love is Honorable
Dare:
Choose a way to honor and respect David in a way I don't normally.
I try to show honor to David. That is extremely important to David, but one thing hit me in the devotion for today. I don't always give him my full attention when he's talking to me, especially when I have a computer or my iPhone in front of me. I need to turn these off and look at him when he's talking to me. I think I always thought that I'm multi-tasking, but he probably views it as ignoring him. Okay, he comes before my computer.
Results:
Okay, it was hard, but I didn't do phone things in the car. I paid full attention to David. You know, I'm feeling a difference in our relationship. I don't feel like David is as irritated with me as he usually is. Things seem calmer. And I haven't changed him - I can't change him - I only have control over myself, so it must be me. I'm learning to control my reactions.
Choose a way to honor and respect David in a way I don't normally.
I try to show honor to David. That is extremely important to David, but one thing hit me in the devotion for today. I don't always give him my full attention when he's talking to me, especially when I have a computer or my iPhone in front of me. I need to turn these off and look at him when he's talking to me. I think I always thought that I'm multi-tasking, but he probably views it as ignoring him. Okay, he comes before my computer.
Results:
Okay, it was hard, but I didn't do phone things in the car. I paid full attention to David. You know, I'm feeling a difference in our relationship. I don't feel like David is as irritated with me as he usually is. Things seem calmer. And I haven't changed him - I can't change him - I only have control over myself, so it must be me. I'm learning to control my reactions.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Day 14 - Love Dare - Love Takes Delight
Dare:
Purposely neglect an activity I would normally do to spend time with David. Do something he wants to do. Just be together.
Well, as circumstances happen, we will be together today for a drive to give my grandson his birthday gift. It'll be an hour either way and then we'll probably go to a friend's house later. These are things we both want to do. But maybe in between, I won't play on the computer and I won't vegge in front of the TV. When he goes to bed, I'll go with him. I do enjoy being with David but I need to let him feel that.
Results:
I DID IT! I talked to David about fighting and I survived. We talked very civilly and talked about why I don't fight (my fear of confrontation). I even told David that I'm afraid of him. So, yea, task accomplished.
As far as yesterday's dare, as soon as I finished blogging I immediately went back to the bedroom and was just there with David. Normally I would have just sat at the computer and played games, not a very productive activity. David even asked what I was doing and I told him I wanted to be with him. It felt good. We were together absolutely all day.
Purposely neglect an activity I would normally do to spend time with David. Do something he wants to do. Just be together.
Well, as circumstances happen, we will be together today for a drive to give my grandson his birthday gift. It'll be an hour either way and then we'll probably go to a friend's house later. These are things we both want to do. But maybe in between, I won't play on the computer and I won't vegge in front of the TV. When he goes to bed, I'll go with him. I do enjoy being with David but I need to let him feel that.
Results:
I DID IT! I talked to David about fighting and I survived. We talked very civilly and talked about why I don't fight (my fear of confrontation). I even told David that I'm afraid of him. So, yea, task accomplished.
As far as yesterday's dare, as soon as I finished blogging I immediately went back to the bedroom and was just there with David. Normally I would have just sat at the computer and played games, not a very productive activity. David even asked what I was doing and I told him I wanted to be with him. It felt good. We were together absolutely all day.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Day 13 - Love Dare - Love fights fair
Dare:
Talk to David about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If David isn't ready for this, write out my own personal rules to "fight" by. Abide by these when the next disagreement occurs.
Okay, well, David will tell you that we never fight. And we don't in the normal sense of the word, but it doesn't mean that's healthy. We ignore conflict - or I should say - I ignore conflict. I've always said David doesn't fight fairly. I tried fighting with him once and David just turned things around and it was my fault and he was really mean about it. Maybe it was my fault - can't remember what the issue was - but my ego was damaged and I determined I just wasn't going to fight. Did that fix things? Not really. I hold my feelings inside and seeth and steam and eventually seem to get over it. I wish I could talk with David and let him know without it always being turned around to me.
So, maybe establishing "fight" rules might help me do that. I know it would be healthier for our marriage if we could get things out. I usually know how David feels but he doesn't know how I feel. Not healthy - and selfish on both our parts. I'm avoiding conflict and I'm good at that.
Result:
I just couldn't bring myself up to talking to David about fighting - avoiding it again. The one rule that I think I need for myself is to express my feelings. But I want to do it in a way that it doesn't set David off. You know, I'm afraid of him. He would never physically hurt me. But he can be very sharp tongued and I don't want that directed at me. That sharp tongue stings and my ego bruises very easily. Yet, I know it still isn't healthy for me to hold my feelings inside. I will try to talk to him about fighting again today. I need to do this.
Talk to David about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If David isn't ready for this, write out my own personal rules to "fight" by. Abide by these when the next disagreement occurs.
Okay, well, David will tell you that we never fight. And we don't in the normal sense of the word, but it doesn't mean that's healthy. We ignore conflict - or I should say - I ignore conflict. I've always said David doesn't fight fairly. I tried fighting with him once and David just turned things around and it was my fault and he was really mean about it. Maybe it was my fault - can't remember what the issue was - but my ego was damaged and I determined I just wasn't going to fight. Did that fix things? Not really. I hold my feelings inside and seeth and steam and eventually seem to get over it. I wish I could talk with David and let him know without it always being turned around to me.
So, maybe establishing "fight" rules might help me do that. I know it would be healthier for our marriage if we could get things out. I usually know how David feels but he doesn't know how I feel. Not healthy - and selfish on both our parts. I'm avoiding conflict and I'm good at that.
Result:
I just couldn't bring myself up to talking to David about fighting - avoiding it again. The one rule that I think I need for myself is to express my feelings. But I want to do it in a way that it doesn't set David off. You know, I'm afraid of him. He would never physically hurt me. But he can be very sharp tongued and I don't want that directed at me. That sharp tongue stings and my ego bruises very easily. Yet, I know it still isn't healthy for me to hold my feelings inside. I will try to talk to him about fighting again today. I need to do this.
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