Dare:
Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to me? Have I realized my need for God to change my heart and to give me the ability to love? Ask Him to show me where I stand with Him and ask for the strength and grace to settle my eternal destination.
Well, I know where I stand and my eternal destination, but I have been attempting this dare thing on my own. It's worked fairly well, but I don't know if I could keep it up. Would I throw it all by the wayside the minute David becomes grouchy? In my strenght I would so I need to let God show His love through me. I need to give up control, not an easy thing for me. At first glance I thought, oh today is easy, but now I'm thinking I really, really need to pray and pray hard.
Results:
Not really anything to report, cause this is a heart changing thing. That doesn't always happen immediately but might be gradual. It takes practice 'cause hearts tend to follow the brain, which doesn't want to go back to what was comfortable. I will continue to pray, because this isn't something I can do on my own.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Day 18 - Love Dare - Love seeks to understand
Dare:
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for David and me. The dinner can be as nice as I want. Focus this time on getting to know David better, perhaps in areas we've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for us.
This definitely has to be delayed because it's AWANA night. David will be busy all night. Also, this might have to be a night out because we don't live by ourselves. Hard to have a special dinner with two little ones and their parents here too - and not fair. So, we may have to do this tomorrow. I want to do this, and do it right, so can't be tonight.
Results:
As I stated earlier, this was not the night for this dare. David gets to church early, I think about 4, and I get there at 6:30 and we don't get home until 9. But, I did make him a sandwich - only after he asked - so doesn't count at all. You know, I think I will save this one for Saturday so I can do it right. I want to do this right, not just half-way. So I'll catch this one up.
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for David and me. The dinner can be as nice as I want. Focus this time on getting to know David better, perhaps in areas we've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for us.
This definitely has to be delayed because it's AWANA night. David will be busy all night. Also, this might have to be a night out because we don't live by ourselves. Hard to have a special dinner with two little ones and their parents here too - and not fair. So, we may have to do this tomorrow. I want to do this, and do it right, so can't be tonight.
Results:
As I stated earlier, this was not the night for this dare. David gets to church early, I think about 4, and I get there at 6:30 and we don't get home until 9. But, I did make him a sandwich - only after he asked - so doesn't count at all. You know, I think I will save this one for Saturday so I can do it right. I want to do this right, not just half-way. So I'll catch this one up.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Day 17 - Love Dare - Love Promotes Intimacy
Dare:
Determine to guard David's secrest and to pray for them. Talk with David, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen - make him feel safe.
Actually, this is the first one where I don't think this has been an issue. Guarding secrets - I don't talk about David's feelings or David's mistakes with anyone else. Those are intimate things between him and me. I've seen too many marriages where one of the spouses complains to someone else about their spouse and I determined I was never going to be like that. It does not good. I believe David feels safe because he does tell me how he feels about just about everything and he knows it won't go any farther. So, don't expect any big changes today.
Result:
As I thought, not a big change for me so I spent the day practicing some of the other things. When David said he needed to go to the store, did I want to go - I jumped up and put on my shoes. Not normal for me. We also stopped by Subway's for grinders and I did the ordering. It felt good to do this and didn't seem fake. I just need to keep practicing and it will become second nature.
Determine to guard David's secrest and to pray for them. Talk with David, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen - make him feel safe.
Actually, this is the first one where I don't think this has been an issue. Guarding secrets - I don't talk about David's feelings or David's mistakes with anyone else. Those are intimate things between him and me. I've seen too many marriages where one of the spouses complains to someone else about their spouse and I determined I was never going to be like that. It does not good. I believe David feels safe because he does tell me how he feels about just about everything and he knows it won't go any farther. So, don't expect any big changes today.
Result:
As I thought, not a big change for me so I spent the day practicing some of the other things. When David said he needed to go to the store, did I want to go - I jumped up and put on my shoes. Not normal for me. We also stopped by Subway's for grinders and I did the ordering. It felt good to do this and didn't seem fake. I just need to keep practicing and it will become second nature.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Day 16 - Love Dare - Love Intercedes
Dare:
Pray for David's heart. Pray for 3 specific areas where I desire for God to work in David's life and in our marriage.
Wow, today's devotion mirrored what I blogged yesterday. I can't change David, and it's not my job to. God let's me know David's heart and his faults so I can lift him up in prayer. Now I need to find three specific areas that God points out to me. I don't want to pray selfishly here - that David would go buy me flowers or something life that. I want to pray for things that will make David a stronger man of God.
First I want to pray for the negative spirit that sometimes overcomes David. WHen he gets negative, he gets judgemental and that is wrong. When he sees something wrong, he needs to ask God what part he needs to take in the issue. It may be nothing - God may already be working on it. It may be talking to someone or it may be stepping in to help.
Secondly, I pray for his anger. He can be very quick to anger (although he is quick to get over it). Frequently this anger is unjustified, just a spur of the moment reaction. I pray he would stop and think about what he is angry about and how he should react.
Third, I pray for his health. He is overweight, obese really. He needs to get back on a serious weight loss regimen for his health. Actually, so do I. I've mentioned it before. I think God is telling me I need to suggest David and I go on a weight loss/exercise regimen together.
Okay, there's three. And they are things that will make David happier, make him a stronger man of God, and improve our marriage. Okay, now I need to pray.
Results:
I like praying for David. I know God heard my heart. Now I need to take action on the third item of prayer and help David. As far as the anger, something happened which set off his anger - it's really frustration. Let me just say electric bill and you'll probably understand. I need to take this to the Lord.
Pray for David's heart. Pray for 3 specific areas where I desire for God to work in David's life and in our marriage.
Wow, today's devotion mirrored what I blogged yesterday. I can't change David, and it's not my job to. God let's me know David's heart and his faults so I can lift him up in prayer. Now I need to find three specific areas that God points out to me. I don't want to pray selfishly here - that David would go buy me flowers or something life that. I want to pray for things that will make David a stronger man of God.
First I want to pray for the negative spirit that sometimes overcomes David. WHen he gets negative, he gets judgemental and that is wrong. When he sees something wrong, he needs to ask God what part he needs to take in the issue. It may be nothing - God may already be working on it. It may be talking to someone or it may be stepping in to help.
Secondly, I pray for his anger. He can be very quick to anger (although he is quick to get over it). Frequently this anger is unjustified, just a spur of the moment reaction. I pray he would stop and think about what he is angry about and how he should react.
Third, I pray for his health. He is overweight, obese really. He needs to get back on a serious weight loss regimen for his health. Actually, so do I. I've mentioned it before. I think God is telling me I need to suggest David and I go on a weight loss/exercise regimen together.
Okay, there's three. And they are things that will make David happier, make him a stronger man of God, and improve our marriage. Okay, now I need to pray.
Results:
I like praying for David. I know God heard my heart. Now I need to take action on the third item of prayer and help David. As far as the anger, something happened which set off his anger - it's really frustration. Let me just say electric bill and you'll probably understand. I need to take this to the Lord.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Day 15 - Love Dare - Love is Honorable
Dare:
Choose a way to honor and respect David in a way I don't normally.
I try to show honor to David. That is extremely important to David, but one thing hit me in the devotion for today. I don't always give him my full attention when he's talking to me, especially when I have a computer or my iPhone in front of me. I need to turn these off and look at him when he's talking to me. I think I always thought that I'm multi-tasking, but he probably views it as ignoring him. Okay, he comes before my computer.
Results:
Okay, it was hard, but I didn't do phone things in the car. I paid full attention to David. You know, I'm feeling a difference in our relationship. I don't feel like David is as irritated with me as he usually is. Things seem calmer. And I haven't changed him - I can't change him - I only have control over myself, so it must be me. I'm learning to control my reactions.
Choose a way to honor and respect David in a way I don't normally.
I try to show honor to David. That is extremely important to David, but one thing hit me in the devotion for today. I don't always give him my full attention when he's talking to me, especially when I have a computer or my iPhone in front of me. I need to turn these off and look at him when he's talking to me. I think I always thought that I'm multi-tasking, but he probably views it as ignoring him. Okay, he comes before my computer.
Results:
Okay, it was hard, but I didn't do phone things in the car. I paid full attention to David. You know, I'm feeling a difference in our relationship. I don't feel like David is as irritated with me as he usually is. Things seem calmer. And I haven't changed him - I can't change him - I only have control over myself, so it must be me. I'm learning to control my reactions.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Day 14 - Love Dare - Love Takes Delight
Dare:
Purposely neglect an activity I would normally do to spend time with David. Do something he wants to do. Just be together.
Well, as circumstances happen, we will be together today for a drive to give my grandson his birthday gift. It'll be an hour either way and then we'll probably go to a friend's house later. These are things we both want to do. But maybe in between, I won't play on the computer and I won't vegge in front of the TV. When he goes to bed, I'll go with him. I do enjoy being with David but I need to let him feel that.
Results:
I DID IT! I talked to David about fighting and I survived. We talked very civilly and talked about why I don't fight (my fear of confrontation). I even told David that I'm afraid of him. So, yea, task accomplished.
As far as yesterday's dare, as soon as I finished blogging I immediately went back to the bedroom and was just there with David. Normally I would have just sat at the computer and played games, not a very productive activity. David even asked what I was doing and I told him I wanted to be with him. It felt good. We were together absolutely all day.
Purposely neglect an activity I would normally do to spend time with David. Do something he wants to do. Just be together.
Well, as circumstances happen, we will be together today for a drive to give my grandson his birthday gift. It'll be an hour either way and then we'll probably go to a friend's house later. These are things we both want to do. But maybe in between, I won't play on the computer and I won't vegge in front of the TV. When he goes to bed, I'll go with him. I do enjoy being with David but I need to let him feel that.
Results:
I DID IT! I talked to David about fighting and I survived. We talked very civilly and talked about why I don't fight (my fear of confrontation). I even told David that I'm afraid of him. So, yea, task accomplished.
As far as yesterday's dare, as soon as I finished blogging I immediately went back to the bedroom and was just there with David. Normally I would have just sat at the computer and played games, not a very productive activity. David even asked what I was doing and I told him I wanted to be with him. It felt good. We were together absolutely all day.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Day 13 - Love Dare - Love fights fair
Dare:
Talk to David about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If David isn't ready for this, write out my own personal rules to "fight" by. Abide by these when the next disagreement occurs.
Okay, well, David will tell you that we never fight. And we don't in the normal sense of the word, but it doesn't mean that's healthy. We ignore conflict - or I should say - I ignore conflict. I've always said David doesn't fight fairly. I tried fighting with him once and David just turned things around and it was my fault and he was really mean about it. Maybe it was my fault - can't remember what the issue was - but my ego was damaged and I determined I just wasn't going to fight. Did that fix things? Not really. I hold my feelings inside and seeth and steam and eventually seem to get over it. I wish I could talk with David and let him know without it always being turned around to me.
So, maybe establishing "fight" rules might help me do that. I know it would be healthier for our marriage if we could get things out. I usually know how David feels but he doesn't know how I feel. Not healthy - and selfish on both our parts. I'm avoiding conflict and I'm good at that.
Result:
I just couldn't bring myself up to talking to David about fighting - avoiding it again. The one rule that I think I need for myself is to express my feelings. But I want to do it in a way that it doesn't set David off. You know, I'm afraid of him. He would never physically hurt me. But he can be very sharp tongued and I don't want that directed at me. That sharp tongue stings and my ego bruises very easily. Yet, I know it still isn't healthy for me to hold my feelings inside. I will try to talk to him about fighting again today. I need to do this.
Talk to David about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If David isn't ready for this, write out my own personal rules to "fight" by. Abide by these when the next disagreement occurs.
Okay, well, David will tell you that we never fight. And we don't in the normal sense of the word, but it doesn't mean that's healthy. We ignore conflict - or I should say - I ignore conflict. I've always said David doesn't fight fairly. I tried fighting with him once and David just turned things around and it was my fault and he was really mean about it. Maybe it was my fault - can't remember what the issue was - but my ego was damaged and I determined I just wasn't going to fight. Did that fix things? Not really. I hold my feelings inside and seeth and steam and eventually seem to get over it. I wish I could talk with David and let him know without it always being turned around to me.
So, maybe establishing "fight" rules might help me do that. I know it would be healthier for our marriage if we could get things out. I usually know how David feels but he doesn't know how I feel. Not healthy - and selfish on both our parts. I'm avoiding conflict and I'm good at that.
Result:
I just couldn't bring myself up to talking to David about fighting - avoiding it again. The one rule that I think I need for myself is to express my feelings. But I want to do it in a way that it doesn't set David off. You know, I'm afraid of him. He would never physically hurt me. But he can be very sharp tongued and I don't want that directed at me. That sharp tongue stings and my ego bruises very easily. Yet, I know it still isn't healthy for me to hold my feelings inside. I will try to talk to him about fighting again today. I need to do this.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Day 12 - Love Dare - Love Lets the Other Win
Dare:
Willingly choose to give into in an area of disagreement between David and me. Tell him I putting his preference first.
Okay, so I give in all the time. I often go places I don't want to go. BUT, the key word here is willingly. That's the part that's missing. I will look for the next opportunity to go with or do something for David that I would normally do grudgingly. I won't be thinking inside, I wish we weren't doing this, or I'd rather do this. I will think about the opportunity to be with my spouse doing something with/for him.
Result:
Well, I ended up with 1/2 day off. David always gets home around 10:30. David normally comes home and falls asleep, getting bored. When I'm home he wants to go places. NormallyI fudge because I get home so late. I knew David would want to go places. I just determined that we were going to be going places. It made it so much easier when we went out. We stopped at our friend's house then for a drive. Not my favorite activity, butI just thought of it as an opportuity to be with David. You know what, I wasn't irritated at the least. Also, since I know me commenting on David's driving irritates him, I worked on that too. It was a pleasant drive. I am already a happier person and enjoy being around David so much more, even though he hasn't changed one bit.
Willingly choose to give into in an area of disagreement between David and me. Tell him I putting his preference first.
Okay, so I give in all the time. I often go places I don't want to go. BUT, the key word here is willingly. That's the part that's missing. I will look for the next opportunity to go with or do something for David that I would normally do grudgingly. I won't be thinking inside, I wish we weren't doing this, or I'd rather do this. I will think about the opportunity to be with my spouse doing something with/for him.
Result:
Well, I ended up with 1/2 day off. David always gets home around 10:30. David normally comes home and falls asleep, getting bored. When I'm home he wants to go places. NormallyI fudge because I get home so late. I knew David would want to go places. I just determined that we were going to be going places. It made it so much easier when we went out. We stopped at our friend's house then for a drive. Not my favorite activity, butI just thought of it as an opportuity to be with David. You know what, I wasn't irritated at the least. Also, since I know me commenting on David's driving irritates him, I worked on that too. It was a pleasant drive. I am already a happier person and enjoy being around David so much more, even though he hasn't changed one bit.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Day 11 - Love Dare - Love Cherishes
Dare:
Do something for David that shows I cherish him - examples, massage or run an errand. Meet one of his needs.
David and I have always said we'd be married forever - divorce is never in the picture. But why? Is it because we don't believe in divorce or because we truly cherish each other? I haven't been so good at the cherishing thing. Time to change that.
David is big, I mean bbbbiiiggg. Have I let that diminish my feelings for him? He is still the same person I married, and he demonstrates that he loves me even though I'm also a big person. Although I do want him to lose weight for his health, I need to accept his whole being, including his body. He mentioned last night that he needs to lose weight. So do I. Maybe I can help him by joining him in a weight loss regimen.
Results:
I tried to take every opportunity I could to do things for David. I put his choir book away. I tried to get him what he needed. Unfortunately, he had a hard day. He is the AWANA commander and he's been praying for 200 clubbers this year. It started off great but has slowly diminished, mainly because he doesn't have all the help he needs. He was kind of grouchy and bit my head off once. I didn't react, didn't argue, nothing - even though it hurt. I told someone this morning that the dare isn't about changing David. It's about changing me. It's about my love for him. I can't control him. I can only control me.
Do something for David that shows I cherish him - examples, massage or run an errand. Meet one of his needs.
David and I have always said we'd be married forever - divorce is never in the picture. But why? Is it because we don't believe in divorce or because we truly cherish each other? I haven't been so good at the cherishing thing. Time to change that.
David is big, I mean bbbbiiiggg. Have I let that diminish my feelings for him? He is still the same person I married, and he demonstrates that he loves me even though I'm also a big person. Although I do want him to lose weight for his health, I need to accept his whole being, including his body. He mentioned last night that he needs to lose weight. So do I. Maybe I can help him by joining him in a weight loss regimen.
Results:
I tried to take every opportunity I could to do things for David. I put his choir book away. I tried to get him what he needed. Unfortunately, he had a hard day. He is the AWANA commander and he's been praying for 200 clubbers this year. It started off great but has slowly diminished, mainly because he doesn't have all the help he needs. He was kind of grouchy and bit my head off once. I didn't react, didn't argue, nothing - even though it hurt. I told someone this morning that the dare isn't about changing David. It's about changing me. It's about my love for him. I can't control him. I can only control me.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Day 10 - Love Dare - Love is Unconditional
Dare:
Find something to do for David that shows my love for him is based on choice and nothing else.
Wow, today's devotion was really telling. If someone had asked me why I love David I could have come up with all the pat answers. But those are all conditions. What if those conditions change - what if David is no longer kind? Would my love change? If so, my love is not unconditional. My answer for when people ask me why I love David is that he is my soul mate. That will never change. I will never fall out of love with him. If I did, that would also be conditional.
Not to find some act that shows him my love is based on choice.
Results:
Well, I did somethings that I know speaks love to David. It's very personal so I won't share that. It really doesn't matter, just that it showed love.
I wonder if David is noticing a difference in me. I feel like I'm changing. I'm not getting as irritated, even though nothing around me has changed. Is it noticable?
Find something to do for David that shows my love for him is based on choice and nothing else.
Wow, today's devotion was really telling. If someone had asked me why I love David I could have come up with all the pat answers. But those are all conditions. What if those conditions change - what if David is no longer kind? Would my love change? If so, my love is not unconditional. My answer for when people ask me why I love David is that he is my soul mate. That will never change. I will never fall out of love with him. If I did, that would also be conditional.
Not to find some act that shows him my love is based on choice.
Results:
Well, I did somethings that I know speaks love to David. It's very personal so I won't share that. It really doesn't matter, just that it showed love.
I wonder if David is noticing a difference in me. I feel like I'm changing. I'm not getting as irritated, even though nothing around me has changed. Is it noticable?
Monday, September 20, 2010
Day 9 - Love Dare - Love Makes Good Impressions
Dare:
Think of a specific way to greet David today with a smile and enthusiasm. Then determine to change my greeting to reflrect my love for him.
Okay, I won't be able to do this in person today because I am leaving on an overnight business trip. But I can call him. I'm not so great about calling when I'm on a trip, so I will make sure I do call him and tell him I miss him.
When he walks into a room, my heart really feels lifted. Why don't I tell him that? I am happy when he is near. Why don't I tell him that? I will determine to make sure he can hear my joy and enthusiasm in my voice today and onwards.
Results:
Even though I couldn't greet David in person, I did talk to him 3 times on the phone (I think that"s a record for me). Any way, eaach time I talked to him I tried to make my voice reflect how much I wanted to talk to him. I didn't have to force anything or fake anything. I really did want to talk to him. Now I can't wait to see him tomorrow.
Think of a specific way to greet David today with a smile and enthusiasm. Then determine to change my greeting to reflrect my love for him.
Okay, I won't be able to do this in person today because I am leaving on an overnight business trip. But I can call him. I'm not so great about calling when I'm on a trip, so I will make sure I do call him and tell him I miss him.
When he walks into a room, my heart really feels lifted. Why don't I tell him that? I am happy when he is near. Why don't I tell him that? I will determine to make sure he can hear my joy and enthusiasm in my voice today and onwards.
Results:
Even though I couldn't greet David in person, I did talk to him 3 times on the phone (I think that"s a record for me). Any way, eaach time I talked to him I tried to make my voice reflect how much I wanted to talk to him. I didn't have to force anything or fake anything. I really did want to talk to him. Now I can't wait to see him tomorrow.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Day 8 - Love Dare - Love is Not Jealous
Dare:
Become David's biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy. Take yesterday's list of negative attributes and burn it. Share with David how glad i am aoub a succes he's recently enjoyed.
Okay, so this seems like something I can do. I think David is the best. Now I have to find opportunities to show it. Here's an opportunity here - in case anyone else reads this. My husband is the best, most loving man I know.
Become David's biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy. Take yesterday's list of negative attributes and burn it. Share with David how glad i am aoub a succes he's recently enjoyed.
Okay, so this seems like something I can do. I think David is the best. Now I have to find opportunities to show it. Here's an opportunity here - in case anyone else reads this. My husband is the best, most loving man I know.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Day 7 - Love Dare - Love Believes the Best
Dare:
I'm to write out 2 lists. ONe with all the positive things about David and one with all the negative. They need to be on separate sheets and then put away for another day. In the meantime I'm to pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank David for having this characteristic.
David has so many positive characteristics that this part will be easy. They are also plenty of things about him that annoy me, but I have a hard time expressing them because it's mean. Does that mean they aren't really there to irritate me? No, they're there, I just don't voice them. So this one will be tough, and mean. These are the things that when I find myself thinking about them, I've gone to the depreciation room. So, I need to shut that door and only think of the positive things, and there are so many.
Also, still need to do all the things from the past days, including not being irritated. This is getting tough.
Results:
Okay, I made lists. The mean list was hard to do. I'm not telling you a thing that is on this list because they mean nothing. But the good list was much longer and made me feel better.
Still failing at not getting irritated. Had 4 extra kids over for the day (and over night). Hard not to be irritated and when I'm irritated, hard not to take it out on David. David ended up going to church to cook for our anniversary party. I ended up staying home because along with extra kids, I was not feeling so hot. So, David didn't end up having to listen to me complain. But, that is not the goal.
Man, I've got to try harder - well, maybe I need to stop trying and let God handle it.
I'm to write out 2 lists. ONe with all the positive things about David and one with all the negative. They need to be on separate sheets and then put away for another day. In the meantime I'm to pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank David for having this characteristic.
David has so many positive characteristics that this part will be easy. They are also plenty of things about him that annoy me, but I have a hard time expressing them because it's mean. Does that mean they aren't really there to irritate me? No, they're there, I just don't voice them. So this one will be tough, and mean. These are the things that when I find myself thinking about them, I've gone to the depreciation room. So, I need to shut that door and only think of the positive things, and there are so many.
Also, still need to do all the things from the past days, including not being irritated. This is getting tough.
Results:
Okay, I made lists. The mean list was hard to do. I'm not telling you a thing that is on this list because they mean nothing. But the good list was much longer and made me feel better.
Still failing at not getting irritated. Had 4 extra kids over for the day (and over night). Hard not to be irritated and when I'm irritated, hard not to take it out on David. David ended up going to church to cook for our anniversary party. I ended up staying home because along with extra kids, I was not feeling so hot. So, David didn't end up having to listen to me complain. But, that is not the goal.
Man, I've got to try harder - well, maybe I need to stop trying and let God handle it.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Day 6 - Love Dare - Love is Not Irritable
Update - after I posted my blog last night David asked me what 3 things about him irritated me. Wasn't quite sure how to handle that. I'm not going to tell you my answers because that's not what this is about, but it was really tough to come up with 3. 2 came to mind pretty easily, but the third - I kept thinking about things that irritate me, but they were tiny, silly things. I finally came up with something. I wanted to be honest because that's what I had asked of him, but I didn't want to hurt him - tough, tough, tough.
Dare: (this one is long)
Wow, okay, the timing on this is incredible. According to the authors one of the causes of irritability is stress. I was just telling David and some friends yesterday that I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed at work. DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER. I guess I am likely to let that translate into being really cranky. I'll have to really watch that.
The other source of irritability is selfishness, and boy, I definitely have that problem. I'm happy letting people take care of me while I do what I want to do. If someone makes me do something I don't want to do, I get cranky. I may still do it, but I am grumbling underneath.
Areas where I need to add margin to my schedule:
Dare: (this one is long)
- Choose to react today to tough circumstances in my marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.
- Make a list of areas where I need to add margin to your schedule
- List any wrong motivations that I need to release from my life.
Wow, okay, the timing on this is incredible. According to the authors one of the causes of irritability is stress. I was just telling David and some friends yesterday that I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed at work. DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER. I guess I am likely to let that translate into being really cranky. I'll have to really watch that.
The other source of irritability is selfishness, and boy, I definitely have that problem. I'm happy letting people take care of me while I do what I want to do. If someone makes me do something I don't want to do, I get cranky. I may still do it, but I am grumbling underneath.
Areas where I need to add margin to my schedule:
- At work, take my breaks and lunch.
- At work, delegate some of my work - ask for help.
- At home, get off the computer and do housework and other tasks that need to be done so I don't feel rushed in the end.
- Go to bed at a decent hour.
Motivations I need to release:
- People need to take care of me (I can make food, I don't have to wait for David to make me something).
- I work more hours than everyone else in the house combined so I shouldn't have to do housework.
- I need to play on the computer to relax because work stresses me out.
- My feelings are more important than everyone elses.
- David always carries all the money and I have to ask him when I need any. He gets to buy things anytime he wants, I have to ask to buy things.
Guess I better get off the computer and get my housework done. We'll see how this day goes.
Results:
I knew today was going to be a test. Most of the day was fine. Since it was my day off, David did his usual getting home and needing to run errands and expecting me to go with him. I didn't say anything, just went. I have to say, it wasn't my choice of things to do and I had to keep remembering not to be irritated. It still happened because David would open the window and it was hot. Also, David driving with me in the car is the epitome of me being irritated. I still did fairly well though. Even though I didn't show it, I knew I was irritated.
Then we had a few hours of peace. Shawn and I worked on updating the operating system on my laptop. Shawn thought it would go faster if we hooked it straight up to the ethernet rather than have it download through the wireless router. It was still going to take 3 - 4 hours. When it was 90% done, David comes out of the bedroom and starts looking up stuff on the internet on the desktop computer. That almost stopped the download. Then it took forever for that last 10%. In David's defense, we didn't tell him that he almost derailed 3 1/2 hours worth of work. I could only wait while the thing was loading so I was playing on my iPhone while David surfed the web. When David was done, he turned around and said, "Are you going to stay up all night?" in his usual gruff tone. That was it, irritation hit at the full level. I count today as a failure - have to try it again.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Day 5 - Love is Not Rude
Dare:
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you.
Wow. When I saw the title of today's dare I thought, I'm not rude. Then I read the devotion and, boy, I'm in trouble. Especially with the dare. According to the devotion, women usually have better manners, but they are rude in other ways. For example, we can be quarrelsome or pouting. Anything that makes us unpleasant to be around is rude. I think I already know what one of David's answers will be. Hey, but the dare doesn't say I have to change anything based on what he tells me, does it?
Results:
Well, I asked him and it wasn't as bad as I thought it might. Iwas right on what I thought he would say on one. I will stay true to the dare and just tell you what David said and not defend myself here either.
So, David picked me up from a meeting I had in the Hemet office. I asked him to tell me three things about me or my behavior that bothers him. Here's what he said:
1. I tell him how to drive - yes, I do that
2. When I stay up late and then complain about being tired the next day - yes, guilty
3. oh, oh, can't remember - or did I just block it out? I asked David again. I apparently expect things from David. His example was that if he makes himself something to eat, I expect him to make me something too - hmmm, interesting
Anyway, these are things I obviously need to work on, and I will do my best.
It is really tough to just sit there and listen to what I do without giving justifications for my behavior, but I did just sit there and listen.
Are these going to get tougher? We'll see.
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you.
Wow. When I saw the title of today's dare I thought, I'm not rude. Then I read the devotion and, boy, I'm in trouble. Especially with the dare. According to the devotion, women usually have better manners, but they are rude in other ways. For example, we can be quarrelsome or pouting. Anything that makes us unpleasant to be around is rude. I think I already know what one of David's answers will be. Hey, but the dare doesn't say I have to change anything based on what he tells me, does it?
Results:
Well, I asked him and it wasn't as bad as I thought it might. Iwas right on what I thought he would say on one. I will stay true to the dare and just tell you what David said and not defend myself here either.
So, David picked me up from a meeting I had in the Hemet office. I asked him to tell me three things about me or my behavior that bothers him. Here's what he said:
1. I tell him how to drive - yes, I do that
2. When I stay up late and then complain about being tired the next day - yes, guilty
3. oh, oh, can't remember - or did I just block it out? I asked David again. I apparently expect things from David. His example was that if he makes himself something to eat, I expect him to make me something too - hmmm, interesting
Anyway, these are things I obviously need to work on, and I will do my best.
It is really tough to just sit there and listen to what I do without giving justifications for my behavior, but I did just sit there and listen.
Are these going to get tougher? We'll see.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Day 4 - Love Dare - Love is Thoughtful
Dare:
Contact David sometime during the day, just to ask how he is doing.
This is something David does occasionally and I do extremely rarely. This only takes a moment. I know when David calls me it makes me know he's thinking about me. I do think about David a lot but maybe not as I should.
As today's devotion discussed, I'm also guilty of being mad at David and not telling him why. I use the excuse that when I talk to him about why I'm mad, he turns it right around and blames me for whatever the problem is. Well, that doesn't solve anything. Maybe I need to work on that too.
Result:
Okay, this is getting kind of fun. I called David just tlo say hi. Even though I had things I could have discussed with him, I kept it to asking him how he was doing and letting him talk. The rest of the stuff waited until later - although I made sure to keep it positive. You know, I can hardly wait to find out what tomorrow is about.
Contact David sometime during the day, just to ask how he is doing.
This is something David does occasionally and I do extremely rarely. This only takes a moment. I know when David calls me it makes me know he's thinking about me. I do think about David a lot but maybe not as I should.
As today's devotion discussed, I'm also guilty of being mad at David and not telling him why. I use the excuse that when I talk to him about why I'm mad, he turns it right around and blames me for whatever the problem is. Well, that doesn't solve anything. Maybe I need to work on that too.
Result:
Okay, this is getting kind of fun. I called David just tlo say hi. Even though I had things I could have discussed with him, I kept it to asking him how he was doing and letting him talk. The rest of the stuff waited until later - although I made sure to keep it positive. You know, I can hardly wait to find out what tomorrow is about.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Day 3 - Love Dare - Love is not selfish
Dare:
Okay, today I'm to buy my spouse something that lets him know I was thinking of him.
That may be tough - I don't have an opportunity to get to a store. I may have to do this tomorrow when I go to Sacramento. I was thinking I would have to delay a day anyway because I will not see David tomorrow. I could still do something unselfish for David today. I'll keep my eyes and ears open.
Results:
Okay, I did add an extra day because I was in Sacramento all day. I found some Suduko puzzle books for David along with a DVD set of old religious movies with a card. He loves Suduko and old movies so I hope it means something to him. The card is really sappy, but expresses my sentiments. I'll write tomorrow what he says after he sees them (I just put them on a chair he uses in the bedroom to discover).
Okay, today I'm to buy my spouse something that lets him know I was thinking of him.
That may be tough - I don't have an opportunity to get to a store. I may have to do this tomorrow when I go to Sacramento. I was thinking I would have to delay a day anyway because I will not see David tomorrow. I could still do something unselfish for David today. I'll keep my eyes and ears open.
Results:
Okay, I did add an extra day because I was in Sacramento all day. I found some Suduko puzzle books for David along with a DVD set of old religious movies with a card. He loves Suduko and old movies so I hope it means something to him. The card is really sappy, but expresses my sentiments. I'll write tomorrow what he says after he sees them (I just put them on a chair he uses in the bedroom to discover).
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Day 2 - Love Dare - Love is Kind
Dare:
Again say nothing negative to your spouse but do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Again when I read this, I thought this described David, but this time, he is the one that is kind, at least mostly. He takes care of me. I'm honestly very lazy and just let him do things for me. David always says the only thing he expects from me is to do the laundry Well, I've washed and dried the clothes - but I haven't put them away. I'm not doing even what is expected of me. I need to step it up and do that and more. My excuse is that I work 10 hours a day - more than everyone else in the house combined. Okay, so I will actively look for at least one gesture, but if God puts more in my path, I'll try to take advantage of it.
Results:
I'm not sure if David even noticed me being kind, but I tried. I put ALL the laundry away for one. Also, since it's Sunday, after church it's Fantasy Football time. I set up my laptop so David could watch the scores. At one point, he moved the laptop and it came unplugged so after a while the computer shut down. I have to admit, I didn't show the most patience when David was so helpless. I kind of grunted, got up from what I was doing and came over and fixed it for him. I caught myself and didn't say anything, but I thought it. I count that as a failing moment. Anyway, I picked up from there and went on. We had an event at the church and David, as always, was in the kitchen helping. I went in and saw him working on wrapping spoons in napkins - standing up. I knew his back was hurting so I offered to take his place (not something I would normally do). So, there were places I succeeded and one I didn't, which is what I will dwell on. I need to be serious and take this dare to heart completely.
Again say nothing negative to your spouse but do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Again when I read this, I thought this described David, but this time, he is the one that is kind, at least mostly. He takes care of me. I'm honestly very lazy and just let him do things for me. David always says the only thing he expects from me is to do the laundry Well, I've washed and dried the clothes - but I haven't put them away. I'm not doing even what is expected of me. I need to step it up and do that and more. My excuse is that I work 10 hours a day - more than everyone else in the house combined. Okay, so I will actively look for at least one gesture, but if God puts more in my path, I'll try to take advantage of it.
Results:
I'm not sure if David even noticed me being kind, but I tried. I put ALL the laundry away for one. Also, since it's Sunday, after church it's Fantasy Football time. I set up my laptop so David could watch the scores. At one point, he moved the laptop and it came unplugged so after a while the computer shut down. I have to admit, I didn't show the most patience when David was so helpless. I kind of grunted, got up from what I was doing and came over and fixed it for him. I caught myself and didn't say anything, but I thought it. I count that as a failing moment. Anyway, I picked up from there and went on. We had an event at the church and David, as always, was in the kitchen helping. I went in and saw him working on wrapping spoons in napkins - standing up. I knew his back was hurting so I offered to take his place (not something I would normally do). So, there were places I succeeded and one I didn't, which is what I will dwell on. I need to be serious and take this dare to heart completely.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Day 1 - Love Dare - Love is Patient
Dare:
Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.
Ooh boy. I read this and think, this is written for David, not for me. I am the picture of patience. Then I think, well, gosh, no, I'm not. I just don't show my impatience as much. Impatience is there rumbling under the surface. Plus, if you asked David he would probably say I'm not patient at all, especially when he's driving. We're taking Cassidy on a picnic today, which means driving and me playing with Cassidy while David sleeps in a chair. Oh, even that sounded impatient and negative - I'll have to repent of that already. I'll write later on how the day went.
Results:
It was tough, especially while we were driving. I had to bite my tongue and try not to hold on to the car door really noticably (something that drives David crazy). I did take notice of just how kind David can be. And today, because he ended up standing for a long period of time he was in a lot of pain. Yet, I didn't notice him being really short tempered. Perhaps it was because I was less irratable with him. Who knows. day 2 tomorrow, What is ahead for us?
Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.
Ooh boy. I read this and think, this is written for David, not for me. I am the picture of patience. Then I think, well, gosh, no, I'm not. I just don't show my impatience as much. Impatience is there rumbling under the surface. Plus, if you asked David he would probably say I'm not patient at all, especially when he's driving. We're taking Cassidy on a picnic today, which means driving and me playing with Cassidy while David sleeps in a chair. Oh, even that sounded impatient and negative - I'll have to repent of that already. I'll write later on how the day went.
Results:
It was tough, especially while we were driving. I had to bite my tongue and try not to hold on to the car door really noticably (something that drives David crazy). I did take notice of just how kind David can be. And today, because he ended up standing for a long period of time he was in a lot of pain. Yet, I didn't notice him being really short tempered. Perhaps it was because I was less irratable with him. Who knows. day 2 tomorrow, What is ahead for us?
Friday, September 10, 2010
The Love Dare
I was sitting around today, living my life as normal and I heard from God. Now when I hear from God I know I'm in for some perfecting. It's gonna make me better, but it's gonna take some work. Anyway, this time God was telling me I need to do the 40-day Love Dare, you know the thing from the movie, Fireproof. I'll be journaling my 40-day adventure, so if you have any desire to find out how it's working, feel free to read on.
Let me give you some background and I am going to try to be honest throughout the challenge.
First off, let me tell you that my husband is the most Godly man I know. I know he truly loves me and most of the time he treats me like his queen.
So why am I a frustrated wife? Because I'm married to an old man. David has had health problems for years which have affected his strength and stamina. I want to be able to go places and have fun, but I want to be with my husband. He walks really slow and can't walk very far. He tires easily and is often in pain. If he stays up until 9, that's past his bedtime. Well, I am not ready to be a senior citizen.
When he is in pain, he doesn't have much patience, especially with family and even more especially with me. Sometimes it hurts. David's memory is also slipping. He remembers conversations that just didn't happen.
Yet, he is the man I love with all my heart and I don't always treat him that way. So, that's why God spoke to me. I need to love David the way he deserves.
Well, Love Dare, here we go. I start with Day 1 tomorrow. The concept behind this is that I read a short devotion every day with a dare to do something specific that demonstrates love to my spouse.
Let me give you some background and I am going to try to be honest throughout the challenge.
First off, let me tell you that my husband is the most Godly man I know. I know he truly loves me and most of the time he treats me like his queen.
So why am I a frustrated wife? Because I'm married to an old man. David has had health problems for years which have affected his strength and stamina. I want to be able to go places and have fun, but I want to be with my husband. He walks really slow and can't walk very far. He tires easily and is often in pain. If he stays up until 9, that's past his bedtime. Well, I am not ready to be a senior citizen.
When he is in pain, he doesn't have much patience, especially with family and even more especially with me. Sometimes it hurts. David's memory is also slipping. He remembers conversations that just didn't happen.
Yet, he is the man I love with all my heart and I don't always treat him that way. So, that's why God spoke to me. I need to love David the way he deserves.
Well, Love Dare, here we go. I start with Day 1 tomorrow. The concept behind this is that I read a short devotion every day with a dare to do something specific that demonstrates love to my spouse.
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